Monday, 17 December 2012

I Hope I'll Be Okay.

It's not like anyone comes here anymore but,I guess I'll still update it.
Felt quite crappy the moment I got home after school because I knew no one was going to be home until late at night.So I'm home alone and crying as I type this.Sounds so stupid,I know.I don't know why but I hope it's just pms and nothing more because I really don't want to deal with all the sht I did years ago.I don't want to go back there.
Yesterday was great with bb. Sometimes I just feel so fucking stupid because I text and I don't get a reply. Now that no one reads this page anymore I guess I'll just spill.Take the analogy - new broom sweeps clean.When something is new,all your attention goes to it.But after awhile,that thing isn't new anymore and you tend to neglect it.Agree?
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.Maybe it's just me,expecting more than what people give.Maybe I deserve to feel this way.Maybe,maybe,maybe.
My nights used to be so happy and I feel like everything was good,but it seems like my past is catching up with me.Nights where I just sat on the couch and think,and think and think.Think about nothing,think about everything.Think of my day,my nights,my life,my friends.And I just end up crying my eyes out for no reason.So maybe,just maybe,that's why I love clubbing so much.I can forget everything for awhile and live through the night.As with dance;I forget everything and live in the moment.Dance feels my pain,it feels my happiness and feels me when I am confused.Something so intangible can cause such comfort.
People say they care,but do they really?When you're at your darkest,how many are there to fight for you,with you.The only person in the whole entire world you can trust,is yourself.
So then I say it again,I hope it's just pms.