Friday, 25 September 2015


Hei hei
I have been busy busy with school and recently so down because I hurt myself on Wednesday. I think it was during Contemporary class when we had to do jumps,and it had been awhile since I've done Contemp jumps.Must have landed funny and my ankle has been swollen since. I hate this feeling,I wish it could just go away instantly.
But sometimes, injuries allow us to reflect on ourselves and where we could have been more careful. Ankle and knee and shoulder injuries are common,since it's the most mobile joint in the body. And mostly injuries occur because we did something wrong, and in my case; landing.
These past 2 days, I keep thinking of the day I cannot dance anymore, be it injury or age, and I fear that day the most. I cannot imagine myself not dancing, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do anything else. Yes, I may find another passion/hobby, but I could never ever give up on my first love. Nobody can. I remembered when I first started dancing, how it made me feel, and even now, when I'm tired before the day even begins, I still get up and dance. And after that,I'm glad I did.
Exams are in about a month or so, and I can't have another injury.
Until then.

Saturday, 12 September 2015

Dear 17 Year Old Me

"Dear 17 year old me,
First and foremost, hang in there. I know right now things seem difficult and you're confused and lonely and you're wondering whether or not you should give in and do the things your friends do to fit in or if you should stand your ground and hold on to your moral values. The answer to this is stand your ground. I am writing to you from five years in the future to tell you that I am absolutely certain that you will be damn proud of the woman you will eventually become. You will become a woman of strong moral values. Above all else, your morals will be noticed by everyone else around you. Even though you are in pain right now, you will mature into a woman of grace and mercy, kindness who is loving and caring.
All the horrible things you are experiencing right now will help mold you into the woman you will eventually become so be thankful for it. I'd like to tell you to let him go!You know exactly who I am talking about, Please let him go he isn't worth the pain. Five years from now, you will learn to live without the sound of his voice. You will learn to smile again. Eventually, you will love again. For the love of God, please let him go. Stop making decisions because he told you that you should do these things.
My advice to you would be: stop being so shy. There's no point in being that timid. Speak your mind and quit allowing people to take advantage of you. Learn to live, please learn to live and have fun. The window to mess up and make mistakes and act like an idiot is so small, take advantage of it while you can. Lastly, never change. You will get your heart broken a few times within these five years but you know what?You will be okay. You always are. I know now it seems hard but in five years, all those 'friends' who do horrible things will be wishing they had not and then there will be you. You will be able to hold your head high and live with a clear conscience, Hang in there kid.
Your older self."
-Excerpts from the book I'll never write #216 via poemsporn_

Friday, 7 August 2015

Pressure Pressure.

I know it's been awhile since I've last posted.I have been busy with school in the day and afterwards exhaustion at night. It's week 3 and I am adjusting to the daily dancing, twice weekly Pilates and theory classes in the afternoon.

School is fine,but I feel like I am not. I found out I didn't have good technique in Ballet, I was using the wrong leg muscles in most positions and transitions, I did not engage my back muscles when my arms are in the various positions as well. And because I have a slightly lazy right ankle, my foot doesn't work as hard as it should in Pointe class.

Somehow, I'm just disappointed. In myself and the studio I previously went to. I cannot entirely blame anyone, I just felt like I've wasted all these years, time and money without progressing. The amount of stress I feel within me to push ahead and improve is immense,

It has never crossed my mind to give dance up. Dance is my life, I live and breathe it. My first love, always. And you know what they say, if you think dance is easy, you're doing it wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to improve, and I'd push 200% every time in class because I know it won't be easy. And knowing that it's going to be a tough uphill challenge makes me feel stressed.
"I would want a younger child looking at me on the cover to see themselves, to see endless opportunities, to see possibilities that they never even thought were something that they could attain. I want them to be able to see dreams through me." - Misty Copeland