Sunday, 25 December 2011

Merry Christmas!

Hello World.Merry Christmas!
I had a family dinner last night,which I enjoyed thoroughly,except the eating part.
I think J doesn't like me the way I thought he did but it's OK,we can still be friends and we are friends!He's just so unpredictable sometimes.It's killing me.
Tomorrow I'm going out with my Ballet friend and we're going to watch a movie,and diet wise,hopefully we can share a meal so that I take in less calories since she's pretty thin herself.And the day after,I'm going out with another Ballet friend to take some Ballet pictures and watch a movie.28th?Yet another Ballet friend. :) I'm watching New Year's Eve with her,and on 29th,another Ballet friend and we'll just do some shopping.
I am such a busy woman during this festive season!It's fun though,I enjoy it very much. :)

Saturday, 17 December 2011

You Never Really Can Fix A Heart.

Work today was as shitty as I could ever imagine.

Last night,I texted J and apologised like a fool,saying how I wanted to sit with him but I couldn't because the place was too cram etc and in the middle of the text,I said something like,"I do like to sit with you but it was really cram so I got hold of any seat I could get"etc and he probably thought that I said I liked him.I usually text in the English English or traditional English and he misread the whole thing and I sent another message today,apologising for that apology text.I am such a mess.

He disappeared for his break with his guy friend just as I texted "break?"to him,and he asked if I wanted anything.I replied no,and he bought me tea anyways.

At that moment,I didn't know what to feel but I felt like slapping someone.Anyone.At times like these when I can't seem to control my emotions and istead of flaring up,I act like a child.So I sat at my desk and sipped the tea like a kid.

After work,before I left,I invited myself to the seat beside him and said he had to watch a Ballet video with me as a punishment.And when he said punishment for what,I didn't reply.

He didn't deny the sentence in the apology text I sent that said something like 'I like your company as a friend and nothing more'and it's so very confusing but I have decided not to think too much anymore.It's pointless and a waste of time.If things are meant to happen,they will.

And if he doesn't want to persue the friendship,then there's nothing I can say because I have nothing to say to that.

Diet wise,I stuck to about 318 calories today.I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere in terms of losing weight,and for some reason,I don't feel very hungry these days.In fact,my work is keeping me too busy to keep track if I am hungry and if I do want to get something to snack on.I've shed about 3 kilos so far,so 4 more kilos to go before my GW1!Stoked about that. :)

Hopefully tomorrow will be better but for now,I just feel like my safety net is gone.I feel like I'm building up this wall around me and no one can seem to penetrate through it.Somehow and somewhat,I still think that as long as I have my ed,there's something I can rely on.

Although my whole world crumbles around me and I fail at literally everything,I still can control my weight.Something I'm good at.

Sunday, 11 December 2011


Hi World.It's been awhile since I posted a real update.

Last day of work for the week.FINALLY.I spoke to J lots yesterday,and he told me how one guy would say really offensive things and usually speak without thinking and all that.I got a little offended when he said my mum was calculative,but I just tried to ignore it and went past it like wind.

Stuck well to my planned diet yesterday,except I had fish slices in soup after eating what my diet consisted of.Then the Offensive Guy said something about me being vegetarian but eating fish(there are,by the way,different kinds of vegetarian in case one didn't know :))and J defended me.

Today I'm leaving early as I would be watching Nutcracker and my friend is performing in it!<333

Diet wise,I think I stuck well to 800 calories or less a day.I'd rather just not eat than to eat and purge.Besides,my one hour breaktime would not give me enough time to purge.I am really bad at it since I hardly purge.

My friend asked me if I will be auditioning next year for the company dancing she's for.I wish I could.I would have to see where my standard is before I embarrass myself.

10 more days of work and then I can do nothing or everything I need to and want to.I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. :(

Hope everyone's doing well.