Sunday, 25 December 2011

Merry Christmas!

Hello World.Merry Christmas!
I had a family dinner last night,which I enjoyed thoroughly,except the eating part.
I think J doesn't like me the way I thought he did but it's OK,we can still be friends and we are friends!He's just so unpredictable sometimes.It's killing me.
Tomorrow I'm going out with my Ballet friend and we're going to watch a movie,and diet wise,hopefully we can share a meal so that I take in less calories since she's pretty thin herself.And the day after,I'm going out with another Ballet friend to take some Ballet pictures and watch a movie.28th?Yet another Ballet friend. :) I'm watching New Year's Eve with her,and on 29th,another Ballet friend and we'll just do some shopping.
I am such a busy woman during this festive season!It's fun though,I enjoy it very much. :)

Saturday, 17 December 2011

You Never Really Can Fix A Heart.

Work today was as shitty as I could ever imagine.

Last night,I texted J and apologised like a fool,saying how I wanted to sit with him but I couldn't because the place was too cram etc and in the middle of the text,I said something like,"I do like to sit with you but it was really cram so I got hold of any seat I could get"etc and he probably thought that I said I liked him.I usually text in the English English or traditional English and he misread the whole thing and I sent another message today,apologising for that apology text.I am such a mess.

He disappeared for his break with his guy friend just as I texted "break?"to him,and he asked if I wanted anything.I replied no,and he bought me tea anyways.

At that moment,I didn't know what to feel but I felt like slapping someone.Anyone.At times like these when I can't seem to control my emotions and istead of flaring up,I act like a child.So I sat at my desk and sipped the tea like a kid.

After work,before I left,I invited myself to the seat beside him and said he had to watch a Ballet video with me as a punishment.And when he said punishment for what,I didn't reply.

He didn't deny the sentence in the apology text I sent that said something like 'I like your company as a friend and nothing more'and it's so very confusing but I have decided not to think too much anymore.It's pointless and a waste of time.If things are meant to happen,they will.

And if he doesn't want to persue the friendship,then there's nothing I can say because I have nothing to say to that.

Diet wise,I stuck to about 318 calories today.I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere in terms of losing weight,and for some reason,I don't feel very hungry these days.In fact,my work is keeping me too busy to keep track if I am hungry and if I do want to get something to snack on.I've shed about 3 kilos so far,so 4 more kilos to go before my GW1!Stoked about that. :)

Hopefully tomorrow will be better but for now,I just feel like my safety net is gone.I feel like I'm building up this wall around me and no one can seem to penetrate through it.Somehow and somewhat,I still think that as long as I have my ed,there's something I can rely on.

Although my whole world crumbles around me and I fail at literally everything,I still can control my weight.Something I'm good at.

Sunday, 11 December 2011


Hi World.It's been awhile since I posted a real update.

Last day of work for the week.FINALLY.I spoke to J lots yesterday,and he told me how one guy would say really offensive things and usually speak without thinking and all that.I got a little offended when he said my mum was calculative,but I just tried to ignore it and went past it like wind.

Stuck well to my planned diet yesterday,except I had fish slices in soup after eating what my diet consisted of.Then the Offensive Guy said something about me being vegetarian but eating fish(there are,by the way,different kinds of vegetarian in case one didn't know :))and J defended me.

Today I'm leaving early as I would be watching Nutcracker and my friend is performing in it!<333

Diet wise,I think I stuck well to 800 calories or less a day.I'd rather just not eat than to eat and purge.Besides,my one hour breaktime would not give me enough time to purge.I am really bad at it since I hardly purge.

My friend asked me if I will be auditioning next year for the company dancing she's for.I wish I could.I would have to see where my standard is before I embarrass myself.

10 more days of work and then I can do nothing or everything I need to and want to.I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. :(

Hope everyone's doing well.

Thursday, 10 November 2011


Hi everyone.I recently received a omment by someone who said I was immature and asked if I was promoting an eating disorder or not.While I do appreciate people reading my blog,I do not appreciate comments like those.I have nothing against her,I am merely saying.And this is not a pro-ana blog.This is just my blog about my eating,videos which I happen to like and posted it on my blog via Youtube.Regular readers will know this and will know I am not "pro ana"because I do not have pictures of emiciated girls.However,I am part of a blogging community that isn't blogger and occaionally I do see pictures of emiciated girls and post pictures of them.However,this is not the same website and I don't post images of emiciated girls but rather pictures that are "girly"or random pictures.If you are a regular reader,you would also know I load videos via Youtube on fashion shows.
That's all I have to say for now.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Scrambled Eggs.

I made my first scrambled eggs today!

It was soft,light but slightly blend.Cooking is so much fun!

On the side note,my Mum has booked tickets for my family getaway.Malaysia again.I was hoping it'll be somewhere in Europe or New Zealand,but she's too busy to take a long break from work.It's work and it's December,precisely my point.Take a break,Mum!

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Harrietts Anorexic story extended

This is a very inspiring story.Well done to the girl in the video!She has done so,so well and she is very brave.

Friday, 12 August 2011

Ballet Today.

Today I had Ballet for 2 hours,which I enjoyed very much.I want to go tomorrow but I have to study for my Science practical exam coming up next week,I'm still unsure if I will go tomorrow.I will go if I can complete my revision before 4pm tomorrow.I have cleared up some of the steps I was unassure of,so I'm happy abou that. (:
Here's some pictures of me today:


Monday, 7 March 2011

I Am Just Not All That Adventureous.

Level 1
() Smoked A Cigarette
() Smoked A Cigar
() Had your first kiss
(x) Drank Alcohol

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) Been Dumped
() Shoplifted
() Been Fired
( ) Been In A Fist Fight

Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
() Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die (a bug lol)

Level 4
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
() Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
() Thrown Up From Drinking

Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

Level 6
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Can't Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel

Level 7
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding
(x) Played Dress Up
SO FAR: 13

Level 8
( ) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledding
(x) Been Lonely
(xxx) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
SO FAR: 15

Level 9
(x) Watched The Sun Set
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake
SO FAR: 16

Level 10
(x) Been Tickled
( ) Been Robbed / Vandalized
( ) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood
SO FAR: 18

Level 11
( ) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
SO FAR: 19

Level 12
( ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 20

Level 13
(x) Hated The Way You Look
( ) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
SO FAR: 22

Level 14
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
( ) Had a One Night Stand
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying
SO FAR: 25

Level 15
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins
SO FAR: 20

Level 16
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain
SO FAR: 23

Level 17
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
( ) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere
SO FAR: 25

Level 18
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Got a Tattoo
SO FAR: 27

Level 19
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
( ) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins
SO FAR: 28

Level 20
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
( ) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
( ) Sat On A Roof Top
SO FAR: 29

Level 21
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
( ) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about
SO FAR: 31

Level 22
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
SO FAR: 33

Level 23
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail
SO FAR: 34

Level 24
(x) Played Chicken
( ) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
( ) Been Easily Amused
SO FAR: 36

Level 25
( ) Made A Porn Video
( ) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
SO FAR: 38

Level 26
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself
SO FAR: 42

Level 27
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed
SO FAR: 45

Level 28
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone
SO FAR: 49

Level 29
( ) Been shot at/or held at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
( ) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
(x) Finished useless notes like these