It's late,and I should be asleep but I feel that I need to post this,no matter how short or long this may be.
Frequent readers of my blog would know that I hardly post about such deep emotions of feelings,and most of the time it's happy events and me skimming updates or pictures.
I've had some time alone today and did not meet bb. He recently told me that quality time was better than quantity,and it was okay if we couldn't spend a whole day together because a few hours of quality time would be better than a whole day of fighting.I agree,and I've also had the time to Google(I know it's so weird of me but that's me) on how to improve myself and get some tips.
And then it hit me.
bb wasn't the issue.It was me.I was so caught up in my own thinking and mindset,I was unable to accept whatever was said to me.Each time I said I was accepting it,I wasn't. Each time I apologised,I said I wouldn't make the mistakes again but I did. There were times when he was wrong but I won't go into detail.He was sorry,he apologised and he gained back my trust. Sometimes,we get so whirled up in our own world that we are in denial of what is really happening to us.And sometimes,it just takes a day or a week,or however long a person needs to clear their head and fall back into reality.
I guess what I'm trying to say is,I've been too fixed in my own thinking and all this while,bb was just trying to help me so that I could help myself.I've said to friends all along,I wouldn't change for anyone.I still stick by that,but bb wanted to help me change for the better and it was reasonable.Change myself to help me,to help him and to help our relationship.He is right;it's time for me to start being more mature and wiser.
I'm sorry for everything,each time we fought and got upset. For all the things I've said and did, and you were so patient with me and forgave me every time.This is the last sorry you will hear because I'm not making any more mistakes to hurt you,and sorry means nothing if I keep apologising this way.
You are my everything♥♥♥