Hey Everybadyyy

Firstly,HAPPY NEW YEAR and hope 2013 has been good to you so far!9 days late for NY  but oh well (:
Went to watch Jack Reacher with bb today♥ It's 9th today,which means our 3rd month anniversary would be coming in a few days' time.All has been good with bb,but it feels like something is amiss to me.I can't put my finger on it,but it's just something.Ever since I went for my holiday trip during school break,it's like he...became different.I really don't know what it is.I mean,he's still so so sweet and the most loveliest person towards me but what he says and how he is with me,it's different.
I don't know if it's just me,or if I am really over-reacting because I did tell myself to get a grip,but it's like,I don't know what to do.I want us to be happy,and not like 24/7 hyper and crazy happy but like how we used to be.He would joke,and I would laugh because that was what made me notice him in the first place.We didn't take things so seriously then,but I don't know what has happened.I am extremely lost and I need a direction to follow.I don't know.
And it saddens me to know that he doesn't keep a tab for my blog in his phone anymore.It's like,when you delete something it's because you think,'Nah,I don't need that anymore now,do I?' Same thing.To me,it's like he doesn't feel the need to read it anymore.Or maybe it's a girls thing to read blogs.But then again,before we were official he would check my blog.I hate to say this but,relationships fail because people who did what they did to get the other party,stopped doing those things.I'm not saying anything negative,I'm just making a statement and a conclusion from what I think and have seen around me.
Or maybe,this is who he is and I just never knew.I was certain of him,of us and I don't want to lose that sense of certainty.
I don't want to DOUBT us because at the end of the day,the person I see at the end of the aisle and saying 'I do' to,is him.And I want my first marriage to be my only marriage,and my first love to be my only love.
Iloveyou♥

I Hope I'll Be Okay.

Hei.
It's not like anyone comes here anymore but,I guess I'll still update it.
Felt quite crappy the moment I got home after school because I knew no one was going to be home until late at night.So I'm home alone and crying as I type this.Sounds so stupid,I know.I don't know why but I hope it's just pms and nothing more because I really don't want to deal with all the sht I did years ago.I don't want to go back there.
Yesterday was great with bb. Sometimes I just feel so fucking stupid because I text and I don't get a reply. Now that no one reads this page anymore I guess I'll just spill.Take the analogy - new broom sweeps clean.When something is new,all your attention goes to it.But after awhile,that thing isn't new anymore and you tend to neglect it.Agree?
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.Maybe it's just me,expecting more than what people give.Maybe I deserve to feel this way.Maybe,maybe,maybe.
My nights used to be so happy and I feel like everything was good,but it seems like my past is catching up with me.Nights where I just sat on the couch and think,and think and think.Think about nothing,think about everything.Think of my day,my nights,my life,my friends.And I just end up crying my eyes out for no reason.So maybe,just maybe,that's why I love clubbing so much.I can forget everything for awhile and live through the night.As with dance;I forget everything and live in the moment.Dance feels my pain,it feels my happiness and feels me when I am confused.Something so intangible can cause such comfort.
People say they care,but do they really?When you're at your darkest,how many are there to fight for you,with you.The only person in the whole entire world you can trust,is yourself.
So then I say it again,I hope it's just pms.

Rehearsal Time.

Heihei!

I'm in quite a happy and lively mood this morning,but running late to meet the girls so I will just post a short update.
Rehearsals for my concert starts todayyy and I am quite nervous and scared but it's exciting! :D bb and Mum are going to be there to watch me;I hope I don't screw up.I was suppose to get an MC initially,but I woke up late and my school is going to give me an X for my grade either way,so I don't see the point in going through the trouble.
After concert practice yesterday,Audrey and I had dinner at Kopitiam and I briefly mentioned that I wanted to change dance schools because I need to 'up' my standard.At the end of the day,I don't want to be dancing in studios for class and exam purposes.I want to dance in studios to perform on stage,and I don't need the main role of Adette or the Sugar Plum Fairy.I want the adrenaline of knowing I'm going on stage to perform and let other young dancers be inspired.And of course,for myself;to improve myself each time.Audrey told me about City Ballet,and I came across it yesterday too.I did some research and just like what I was told,they are run by past SDT dancers and I have such respect for SDT dancers. (not including prima ballerinas) So I think I will try and see if I can find myself a class as they are just opening a new Inter. Found class this week :D

Photo credit: http://leilanavidi.blogspot.sg/2011/12/ballet-behind-scenes.html

Hermit Crabs.

Heihei.

Long day I had today.School was alright,we had lab session.My spread plate was suppose to have bacteria but I only had one colony. :( I am terrible at lab and streaking.Dance rehearsals after that. It went well I guess because I got to practice the Jazz piece with the music and memorized my positioning and music timing.Then the HK dance rehearsal with Lao Shi. It was good.I feel more confident I think.

But for some reason,I just feel so down today.There were so many times that I just wanted to stop everything and just leave.To get out of the classroom,the studio or where ever I was and just go.I don't know where I would go,or what I would do,but anywhere would be better than where I was.Of course I didn't,because that'd be stupid,immature and anything you can name.
I almost cried yesterday in front of bb but I told myself not to,because tough girls don't cry. I've always thought as crying as a sign of weakness.I have to push through whatever sht I'm feeling and just pull myself together.If I don't get through this,I don't know who else can do it for me.

'Just like a hermit crab,some people seem tough on the outside but soft on the inside.' I may seem tough and I may look like I'm not affected,but deep in my heart,every word and action kills me.What you see and how I choose to portray the image are two different things.