So not many of you know,I have a past eating disorder (ED) and I found this short tag on Youtube and thought I'd just share on this space to whoever who wants to get to know me a little more! (:
1. how old were you when your ED began?
I was about 13 when it began.I was in secondary one,and I thought losing a few kilos would help me be slimmer and feel more confident,and help me make new friends too.
2. did you decide to recover or were you made to?
I did decide to recover and relapsed a few times.I also developed mild bulimia during my recovery attempts.
3. what were you diagnosed with?
4. do you binge?
I would call it a binge but in reality, it was just a standard meal.It felt too much for me then,and I would try to get rid of it.
5. do you purge?
Yes,along with laxatives.
6. who did you first watch on youtube ED wise?
I didn't have a focused person/account.I just watched whatever triggered me.
7. have you ever signed up to a pro ana website?
No.I've always and still do think it's complete bullsh*t.Eating disorder is NOT a lifestyle,it is a disease.And diseases should NEVER be promoted in any way.
8. what do you think we should do to raise awareness?
I honestly feel torn between spreading awareness and not spreading awareness because people who want to lose weight or have been for awhile,would try to 'fit' themselves into the ED criteria and may potentially develop eating disorders.However, I personally tried recovery because of the amount of awareness that was spread regarding anorexia.It made me want to get better at times although it was and still is a battle. (:
And that is it.Really short and I like it that way.
I still struggle with eating habits on a daily basis.Some people fully recover,some recover partially.But everyone who had an ED will always struggle.For me,whenever I feel like I've eaten 'too much', I will cut down or be more aware.I sometimes start counting calories too.I have been more active and eating small frequent meals now,so being stick thin is not my goal any more,but instead muscle and strength.But it's always a battle in my head and I refuse to let my ED win again.Sometimes I am tempted to just go back to my old ways because it's just easier,but I don't wish for hell to be upon me ever again.
And for anyone who has an ED or is recovering from one,know that you can get better.But it has to be you who wants to get better,do it for yourself and not anyone else.And if you find it difficult to continue recovery, think of why you wanted to recover in the first place and how far you have come.
Stay strong,girls and guys ♥